Jesus Is Trending (NaPoWriMo Day 20)

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(Fair warning: Religious humor ahead. Keep reading at your own risk!)

Jesus Christ is bleeding edge.
The masses follow Him like sheep,
hanging on His every word,
every verse and every tweet.

His entourage is growing large.
How much cooler can He get
than His own show and His own book?
The “Undead” star is rising yet.

The cable channels love His draw,
and all the advertisers say,
“Buy our stuff and be like Him—and
Happy Zombie Jesus Day!”

***

For today’s poem, two of the three prompts I’ve been monitoring for NaPoWriMo related to “family.” As it is Easter and I have made most of the obligatory holiday family phone calls, I thought I would share the family joke. Lighten up, folks. It’s humor. ;-)

Baskin-Robbins Brown (NaPoWriMo Day 19)

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For my first real job I had to wear a brown uniform
with brown, pink, orange and white stripes. They provided
the top and cap; I had to come up with brown pants.
Brown pants were not easy to find back in 1980-something.

My thin, cheap, acrylic brown pants came apart
at the seams more than once. I sewed them up by hand.
Who would waste good minimum-wage dollars
replacing ugly brown uniform pants?

My aversion to brown lasted for years.
No patterns with brown. No brown calicos
for patchwork quilts. No working at UPS!
Brown was for boots and belts and shoes.

So this morning when I put on a long sleeve brown shirt
and then pulled on a pink sweater over it, the pink came
immediately back off. Navy, I thought. Navy is nice.
Navy and brown are nice and dull—not the least bit revolting.

***

Today’s Poetic Asides prompt was to write a color poem. I searched the entire interwebs for photos of the old B-R uniforms. They were so godawful ugly that no one but this guy wanted to be seen in them. (The entire interwebs, people! That’s the only one I found!) But you know what was even worse? The “girl” uniforms were shaped to the female form with curved seams and darts, and they actually had to be zipped up the back!!! Aargh! Can you see why I am scarred for life?? (I know, I know—serious first-world problem. But really,  people, it made honorable mention on this list of the seven worst restaurant uniforms ever.)

Not a very good poem, but just a tiny little bit cathartic. :-)

Rain (NaPoWriMo Day 18)

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I ask the barista engineering the production of my chai
whether rain increases or decreases the flow of customers.
It alternates, she says. When it’s cold, rain amps things up.
When it’s warm, it’s already slow; with rain it fizzles out.
The coffee shop is crackling today—energy contained
within the walls, unwilling to leave the insulated space,
afraid of the potential shock. Will that be cash or charge?
***

Yesterday’s prompt from Poetic Asides was to write a weather poem.

Am I a Hipster? (NaPoWriMo Day 17)

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NPR tells me chickens are cool.
Urbanites get them, then play the fool,
dropping them off at the animal shelter
when they no longer lay or end up as fellers.
Victoria is noisy and aging (two peewees??),
but she’s going nowhere—she’s our little sweetie!

Chicken Mama holding Victoria

Chicken Mama holding Victoria

***

Yesterday’s prompt from Poetic Asides was to write a “pop culture” poem. Incidentally, Robert Lee Brewer (the host of Poetic Asides) posted an article this week titled “What Is the Value of Poetry?” It’s worth a look.

On the Cusp of Consciousness (NaPoWriMo Day 16)

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My brother is a rat. He crawls in the walls keeping me awake at night.
Turn off the lamp if you want to see clearly. Dreams float like feathers,
tickling my brain: the monkey on the rug eats my grapes,
a funeral procession sings flowery spring dirges while
the tempest hollers my name. Mary, Mary, quite contrary—
put your books away before the elephant hits the wall!

My brother is a water boy. The answer is hydrogen-bonding.
The question is: Why does he like me? He has many issues to deal with.
The morning sun blinds me like a spore in my nostril, so I toss myself in
with the brights to add color to my cheeks. Let rise until doubled.
The vase yawns, tired of being the monkey’s spittoon, and covets
its neighbor’s arrangement, while the pachyderm lumbers on.

***

Today’s prompt from NaPoWriMo.net was to write a 10-line poem in which each line is a lie. While I considered a couple other prompt options (elegy, death, blah blah blah), the “lie” poem really intrigued me. But every time I considered it during the day, I couldn’t think of anything to write.

Then I remembered a poem I’d started years ago (close to 20–aack!). I cut some pieces and relined it to get it down to size (OK, I got to 12 lines)–and, voila! I might have figured it out! Well, at least it is an improvement on the prior umpteen versions. Yay!

April 15th (NaPoWriMo Day 15)

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In keeping with this most auspicious day,
I must confess I’ve been a little lax.
I started our return and then it lay

just waiting on the last outstanding facts.
Why wait? Who knows? It’s dumb, I do admit
(a refund—we have paid our share of tax!),

when all we need to do is press Submit!
***

And yet one more rhyme-y poem. I can’t help it–NaPoWriMo.net told me to write a terza rima.

There. All caught up. In more ways than one.

Serious Questions (NaPoWriMo Day 14)

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To George from Biff

Where does wind come from?
Where does it go?
How far does rain fall?
Would it rather be snow?

If sunlight could sleep,
would it dream of the night?
If moonlight could sing,
would its rhythm be tight?

Do flowers get happy
when it’s time to bloom?
And when it’s all over,
do they fall into gloom?

Do trees feel the pain
of leaves bursting forth?
Does Polaris realize
it helps point us north?

I don’t have those answers
but this one I do,
when asked who’s my true love
I always say you!
***

Almost caught up…yesterday’s poem used the NaPoWriMo.net prompt: write a poem entirely of questions, except the last line.

Apparently I get rhyme-y when I am pressed for time.

The Kindergarten Zoo (NaPoWriMo Day 13)

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After learning the animals all week
the children were roarin’ to go—
lion, tiger, chimpanzee—
but someone forgot Friday’s show.

She’d planned her clothes
for the big performance day—
polka dots she chose
for her animal’s display.

But what’s this the spectators see,
neck stretching to the heights?
Could it possibly be
a giraffe with stripes?
***

Trying to get caught up…it’s been a busy few days. This poem came from the Day 13 prompt at Poetic Asides: write an animal poem.

I was reminded of this incident by the very cute illustrations at Ariane Hofmann-Maniyar’s blog. Check out this awesome giraffe!

 

 

Maturity (NaPoWriMo Day 12)

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Maturity is a box-shaped piece of furniture
with at least one compartment—open or closed.
Maturity often has doors on the front and occasionally
a lock. Maturity may be built-in or free-standing.
A built-in maturity is usually custom made and
fixed into position. Free-standing maturity is more
commonly available and can be moved from place to place.
Maturity may be hung or suspended. Maturity which rests
is supported by some base—a plinth, feet, or a set of legs.
Some maturity contains secret compartments,
access to which is generally not obvious.

The fundamental focus of the maturity maker is the production
of maturity. Although the maturity maker may also produce
items that would not be recognized as maturity, the same
skills and techniques apply. The more serious amateurs now turn out
pieces of maturity that rival the work of professionals.

Maturity can add life to any room in your home.
It can set the aesthetic tone. However, choose wisely:
maturity can eat up your budget.
***

This was an interesting prompt from NaPoWriMo.net: Today’s (optional) prompt is a “replacement” poem. Pick a common noun for a physical thing, for example, “desk” or “hat” or “bear,” and then pick one for something intangible, like “love” or “memories” or “aspiration.” Then Google your tangible noun, and find some sentences using it. Now, replace that tangible noun in those sentences with your intangible noun, and use those sentences to create (or inspire) a poem.

Peewee (NaPoWriMo Day 11)

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Look! How absurd!

Did a cousin come visit?

Perhaps Hummingbird?

Large egg and Peewee egg

Large egg and Peewee egg

***

Today’s prompts from the usual places were not inspiring me. And I’ve been crazy busy all day getting ready to travel tomorrow, so I thought, Eh, might have to wait and catch up on Day 11 later.

And then the mail showed up.

The mail showed up with a handwritten letter from a cousin I haven’t heard from in ages, who has been following my blog recently—excited about the NaPoWriMo challenge and enthusiastic about chickens.

What was I to do

but write another

chicken haiku?

Victoria, our Salmon Faverolle, after taking the winter off, twice this spring has attempted to lay an egg—and failed (it gets a little messy). She finally succeeded last week with the littlest egg we’ve ever gotten—1.3 ounces, which qualifies it as a “peewee” egg. That’s the smallest category I can find, smaller than Small. And of course you don’t even see Small eggs in the grocery store. You might get Medium, but are more likely to see Large, Extra-Large and Jumbo (Our Australorp Margaret, on the other hand, regularly lays Jumbo eggs, and once laid a 3.0-ounce egg—ow!). The photo is of the Peewee egg along size a Large egg (around 2.0-2.2 ounces).

Thanks to cousin Joan for today’s inspiration! :-)